Besançon, France. 2005 – The year I grew up
I know the exact period in my life when I found myself. The exact time in my life I fell in love with who I really was. I became aware of my presence and its effect on other people. There wasn’t really a specific day or a specific minute. It was sometime between winter and summer in Besançon, France in 2005, that was the place and year I grew up.
For the most part of my childhood, I was fairly spoiled. I was a responsible child but was heavily dependent on my parents. So when there was an opportunity to go to France in 2005, it was the perfect independence I needed.
Pre-Besançon
For my undergraduate degree, I studied French Language at the University of Lagos in Nigeria. I remember when I realised I wanted to study French Language. It was in my final year in high school. We went for one of those talks where you are advised about your future. The initial plan was to study Law. I’m not sure if this was my plan or my parents’ but for the longest time, it was supposed to be Law.
Anyway, during the talk, we were advised to go for a course we thought we would enjoy. At this point, French language was my best subject in school. So when it was time to get into university, on my diploma form, I wrote French language for my 1st choice and Law for my 2nd choice. Of course, I was accepted to study French! I guess, not many people applied to study a foreign language – in fact it was a fall back for those who didn’t get into their Art subject of choice.
Convincing my Daddy was a different case. I’m sure I lied to him because I don’t remember exactly how the conversation went after I told him I had been accepted to study French.
Lagos. November 2004
Fast-forward to November 2004. My French Literature lecturer had a plan to take a few of us to France to study for a 4-week program in January 2005. We had just completed our 3rd year at French Village in Badagry. This was the norm at the time for French Language students in Nigeria. French students’ curriculum was different to the usual university curriculum. It meant that after our 3rd year, we had a gap year to catch up with the rest of our peers. This gap year was in 2005 and was going to last from January to September. So most of my classmates either took up jobs or did whatever to pass the time.
I was going to spend mine in France speaking this language I was studying at University. I wasn’t so interested initially but he pulled me aside one day and told me to think about it. Surprisingly, my parents were ok with it; this was after my dad had spoken to my lecturer anyway. We paid the fees and I remember my daddy accompanying me to get my visa. Then, it was time to travel. I was going to France on my own. Funny enough, I had never heard of Besançon or the school we were going to. I only knew it was a language center, Centre de Linguistique Appliquée (CLA) which was attached to L’Université de Franche Comté.
France. January 2005
The day finally arrived and I remember our flight. It was Air France from Lagos to Charles de Gaulle and then we took a train to Gare du Nord. I rang my daddy and I remember crying because it was so cold and I was so scared. “Do you want to come back? I can change your ticket so you fly back on the next flight”. Through tears, I said I was ok and was determined to try at least. It is worth noting that I was not alone. My lecturer and 2 other classmates were with me so please tell me why I was crying?
We got the train from Paris to Besançon; all I remember was that it was such a long journey and I was freezing. We got to Crous-Universitaire and checked into our rooms. I had a room to myself thankfully and I remember I cried myself to sleep that night. How dramatic!
Life in Besançon January – February 2005
My room number was B203 and my building was Stendhal. Nothing fancy. I realised it was the most basic out of all the accommodation options which annoyed me lol. The best thing? It took me only 2 days to realise I loved being independent. I loved my freedom in this beautiful, freezing town and I even managed to make some friends. Everyday, I would go to class on the university bus, spend the day in school and come back to my room in the evenings.
By week 2, I met Abi and Adwoa, they were American students of Nigerian and Ghanaian heritage. They were in Université de Franche Comté for their year abroad program. They introduced me to their friends and finally, I had friends lol. My other friends were Bamba, Diallo, Ahmadou and Ousmanne from Senegal. Loïc from Paris, Bayo was a Nigerian studying in the university. I’m sure there were others but these were my main friends. They all went to the same university. I also had some friends from school but my school was proper boujee so the friendships were mostly surface lol. School was full of rich kids from South Africa (so many were from SA), Holland, America and Colombia.
I knew I was not done with France just yet. I was definitely going back.
The Big Plan - February 2005
I only started feeling comfortable by the end of week 3 and I had just over 1 more week before the experience was over.
By week 4, I knew I was not done with France just yet. I was definitely going back. So I checked to see what programs CLA offered for spring/summer and picked the longest one, which was a 5 months program. I asked for a conditional letter which they gave me and I called my mummy to tell her my plan. All my new friends were staying throughout summer, which made it even more exciting.
Life in Besançon April – September 2005
This time I was armed with so much more information. I was excited about going back and I obviously had better accommodation this time. Duhhh!!!! My French vocabulary made me feel confident and I was just more self-aware. Once I got to Charles de Gaulle, I took a straight train from the airport to Besançon. I was not prepared to suffer like the last time and even paid for a business class ticket. I remember I got to Besançon train station and took the university bus to my room. The first thing I did was drop my bags and go straight to knock on the doors of my friends!
Everyone was so excited to see me back haha. I think my African friends all felt like I had brought some piece of home back with me. For the next 5 and half months, I had my routine. Go to school, hang out with friends, work on weekends and party as well. I used to make my friends’ hair for free which was a big deal to them. Finding someone who could plait African hair in Besançon was almost impossible.
On Saturday mornings, I worked in a hair salon. It was a cute Afro-Caribbean hair salon and it cost €85 to braid your hair. For any braids I did, I would get €40 to €50. I basically got half of what the salon charged. Because I really didn’t need the money, I only worked till noon. The owner was lovely and sometimes she would give me Jollof rice to take back home. It was not Nigerian Jollof but half bread is better than none LOL
Boys?
I had a boyfriend even before I went to Besançon. We had started seeing each other in my 1st year of university and he was my 1st proper relationship. Being the eternal romantic, I was certain I was in love with him. In his version of our relationship story, he was good to me but in my version, he was terrible lol. This meant that my entire time in France, everyone knew I was not looking to mingle.
I remember there was a cute French boy, Guillaume, I think he was from Lyon or Lille. I knew he liked me because he always offered to drop me off and one time he bought flowers for me. He had very kind eyes and was a nice guy. Then there was a Senegalese guy who was in our friendship group. Our friends would tease him about liking me but again, I had a boyfriend. Oh there was a German guy in my class who actually asked me out on a date. We had bonded over a conversation about my daddy going to school in Germany. I didn’t go on that date because, yup! You guessed right. I had a boyfriend.
My 1st trip to Paris
It was the first time I realised there was more to life. I just knew I wanted more.
By August, I felt like I needed to explore France a bit more and decided to take the train to Paris. I figured that if I got lost in Paris, I could just get a taxi to the station and take the train back to Besançon. As a planner, I wrote down everywhere I wanted to go and everything I wanted to see. I got to Paris that morning and headed to Louvre. Spent most of my day in the museum.
Then, I went to see the Eiffel Tower, L’Arc de Triomphe and walked down Champs Elysées. I felt so grown and confident. One memory I will never forget is walking on Champs Elysées and smiling to myself. It was the first time I looked around me, took everything in and realised there was more to life. I just knew I wanted more.
I have always been a dreamer for as long as I can remember. The normal Nigerian (very successful) life is go to school, get a job, get married and have babies. If your parents are rich enough, then you have holidays abroad in between. There is no gap year abroad culture or pausing life to travel-the-world lifestyle. You basically go to school to get good grades so you can get a good job so you can have a good life.
So being in Paris and just walking on a street I had only seen on TV changed my entire perspective of life. I felt seen.
Paris 2.0
My next trip to Paris was my first time in Disneyland. I took the train to Disneyland and had the time of my life. Yes, I was alone. I saved up money from my job, paid the exorbitant train fare and arrived at the happiest place on earth.
Related – My Favourite Travel Memories
September 2005. Grown, Confident and Sexy lol
By September, I was back in Nigeria. In the first week after I came back, I finally had the courage to break up with my boyfriend. There was nothing he did that he hadn’t done before but this time, I had grown up. I remember when he came back to beg a few days later. (Don’t they always do that? LOL) He said he didn’t understand how I had grown so much wings hahahahaha! Honestly, me too, I didn’t understand the wings I had grown myself!
I had found myself. My life was so much more meaningful and I didn’t need anyone to validate it. I went back to University of Lagos for my final year and this time, with purpose. Explaining what Besançon meant to me is special and I will forever be grateful to my parents for everything.
A few months after I got back, I met Mr E and my happily ever after began!
Today, July 2020. London
It’s been 15 years since I went to Besançon. I don’t think I thought I was going there to find myself but I did find myself there. Besançon shaped my entire life; it opened up a world that I did not know existed. One major thing it gave me was the spirit of wanderlust. My daddy always travelled so I knew it was a possibility but going to Besançon affirmed the reality of travel. It was no longer just possible but it was real.
So many moments change your life and define what the rest of your life will look like. I am thankful for mine, for the path it led me to and the self-discovery it gave me. My dream is to travel so much more with Mr E. One day, I will take him back to Besançon and hopefully; he will see everything I saw.
Bisous, ‘Bugo x
25 Comments
Sanyu
I loove the way life and God always rewards us when we take courageous steps in our lives!! Even when we dont feel they are particularly courageous or notable in the very moment.
When you first arrived and it was very cold and you were crying, your Dad offered you a way out and an immediate return back to Nigeria…that simple conversation was a defining moment, if you had fled from the unknown, taken the easier way out and returned home, I think you wouldn’t be the woman you are today. Probably would still have a good life, but without a certain substance and character to it.
And then when you listened to your inner compass and broke up with your long term boyfriend, who was part of your old comfort zone, it opened the way for you to be with your true love MR. E, if you had settled for safe and familiar…story would have been different!
Thank you so much sharing. Stories like this encourage so much!
P.s. maybe this 7th anniversary or before could we have a detailed How you and Mr. E met, when you knew he could be your husband and how you prepared to handle normal conflict, etc
Bugo
Thank you so much for your lovely comment; I appreciate you taking the time to read the blog post.
I really am grateful for that part of my life because it has brought me to where I am today.
I tend not to write about things like how to handle conflict etc because I honestly don’t think any advice is a one size fits all. Regarding how we met/when I knew etc, I did a Q&A on instagram where I briefly touched on these x
danna
I really enjoyed reading this.I could relive your experience. Yes, gap year would be extremely helpfully to a lot of young people in Nigeria. Travelling exposes you to realities beyond your imaginations. It opens up and breaks down all the walled in misconceptions and makes you understand the beauty of the world. Well done Bugo!
Bugo
Oh yes! and it is funny that at the time, it was just another experience to me. Nothing too deep. But sometime last year, I started to think about my growth and at what point I felt like I had found myself and traced it back to that period in my life. It all just made sense once I figured it out.
I do wish we had a gap year mentality in Nigeria, it would help in terms of exposure and even individual accountability but I suppose that with our economy, it’s never going to be that black and white x
Utchay
Very concise and interesting read. Please share more inspiring stories as time goes by on here.. We can’t wait for when you visit Besancon with E…Cheers
Bugo
Thank you so much, I’m so glad people have enjoyed reading this.
I will definitely share when we go back. It’s definitely in my 3 year plan hehe!
Yoma
I loved reading this very much. A couple things struck out to me. 1, you were in your final year university in 2005?! 2, the feeling of finding yourself and being free, and growing up. I think Abuja was the place I first really established my independence to my parents. I mean there were tidbits here and there when I was in uni, because I was very rebellious, but Abuja I was really on my own fending for myself, and since then they’ve understood that I don’t factor them in my personal decisions. 3. Istanbul may not be my first love, but if there’s a place that has given me a feeling similar to the feeling Paris gave you, then it’s Istanbul. I’ve found myself and still am in this city. I really really love it here. Everything I like and want from life is here. 4. Yes the pausing life to travel culture isn’t a Nigerian thing. I don’t think I have the energy to explain to my mother that the next 10 years of my life are devoted to traveling the world, and exploring everything God has called me to do as a blogger. No marriage plans or plans for kids. I’ll be 36 by then, but who cares? I’ll have lived truly.
Bugo
Yes! I was in my final year in 2005! crazy I knowwww haha!
So lovely to read this. I feel like once you find yourself, there is an awakening that comes with it. Suddenly, everything makes sense and you wonder why there was a hassle about life in the first place. Such a special place to be.
I wish we had a pause and travel or gap year mentality in Nigeria, I think it’ll help with people growing up and being more exposed. That mix of cultures you meet along your journey is so incredible.
Goodluck anyway! It seems you have a plan so hopefully, it works out for you x
Yoma
I hope it works out too. ♥️♥️
Opeyemi
I love love love your blog, you’re an amazing story teller!
And cheers to your parents, this experience must have been really special for you 🙂
Bugo
awww thank you so much! I’m really glad you enjoyed reading it.
Honestly, cheers to them! The most amazing parents ever!
Eyitene Iwere
I love how you tell your stories. I always feel as though I am there in that moment with you. I hope you get a chance to go back with Mr. E
Bugo
Thank you so much. This is one of my best compliments – when someone says they feel like they are in the moment with me so thank you!!
Yes, it would be amazing to return with him!
Fike
This was so lovely to read! Thanks for sharing your special memories. I’m starting to think about a post-grad gap year hmmm
Bugo
You’re welcome darling.
A gap year is so much fun honestly. It’s weird that at the time, I didn’t even know what it was or that gap years existed.
Now, I’m thinking of taking about 6 months off work to travel but I’m not sure how that would work lol. It’s just my thought haha
Adaora
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this bugs!
And my babe has been a fashion insider from time! No be today! Look at the timeless baffs 😍😍😍
Ogee
I love how you tell your stories.
I felt the self realization and awakening from your France experience
Abby
Absolutely enjoyed this.
Bugo
Thank you x
Bugo
Thank you hun!
It was a real awakening for me and I tried to write exactly how I felt so I’m glad 🙂
Bugo
yay I’m glad my sweetie! hahahaha this fashion was a different level LMAO
thank you for stopping by my darling x
Onyeka
Awwww love this! Are you in touch with anyone you met there?
Bugo
Yes I am. On facebook, I’m friends with most of them still. Infact, a week or so ago, Ousmanne and I caught up for almost an hour…but yea, we still keep in touch from time to time which is so lovely x
Tiesé Etim-Inyang
Okay, I absolutely loved reading this. What a lovely story / experience to have about a place. Going back will probably be so profound.
Bugo
It really will be amazing to go back. I didn’t quite realise how much I wanted to go back until I started writing about it.
Thank you babe for reading x