Besançon, France. 2005 – The year I grew up

I know the exact period in my life when I found myself. The exact time in my life I fell in love with who I really was. I became aware of my presence and its effect on other people. There wasn’t really a specific day or a specific minute. It was sometime between winter and summer in Besançon, France in 2005, that was the place and year I grew up.

For the most part of my childhood, I was fairly spoiled. I was a responsible child but was heavily dependent on my parents. So when there was an opportunity to go to France in 2005, it was the perfect independence I needed.

Pre-Besançon

For my undergraduate degree, I studied French Language at the University of Lagos in Nigeria. I remember when I realised I wanted to study French Language. It was in my final year in high school. We went for one of those talks where you are advised about your future. The initial plan was to study Law. I’m not sure if this was my plan or my parents’ but for the longest time, it was supposed to be Law.

Anyway, during the talk, we were advised to go for a course we thought we would enjoy. At this point, French language was my best subject in school. So when it was time to get into university, on my diploma form, I wrote French language for my 1st choice and Law for my 2nd choice. Of course, I was accepted to study French! I guess, not many people applied to study a foreign language – in fact it was a fall back for those who didn’t get into their Art subject of choice.

Convincing my Daddy was a different case. I’m sure I lied to him because I don’t remember exactly how the conversation went after I told him I had been accepted to study French.

Lagos. November 2004

Fast-forward to November 2004. My French Literature lecturer had a plan to take a few of us to France to study for a 4-week program in January 2005. We had just completed our 3rd year at French Village in Badagry. This was the norm at the time for French Language students in Nigeria. French students’ curriculum was different to the usual university curriculum. It meant that after our 3rd year, we had a gap year to catch up with the rest of our peers. This gap year was in 2005 and was going to last from January to September. So most of my classmates either took up jobs or did whatever to pass the time.

I was going to spend mine in France speaking this language I was studying at University. I wasn’t so interested initially but he pulled me aside one day and told me to think about it. Surprisingly, my parents were ok with it; this was after my dad had spoken to my lecturer anyway. We paid the fees and I remember my daddy accompanying me to get my visa. Then, it was time to travel. I was going to France on my own. Funny enough, I had never heard of Besançon or the school we were going to. I only knew it was a language center, Centre de Linguistique Appliquée (CLA) which was attached to L’Université de Franche Comté.

France. January 2005

The day finally arrived and I remember our flight. It was Air France from Lagos to Charles de Gaulle and then we took a train to Gare du Nord. I rang my daddy and I remember crying because it was so cold and I was so scared. “Do you want to come back? I can change your ticket so you fly back on the next flight”. Through tears, I said I was ok and was determined to try at least. It is worth noting that I was not alone. My lecturer and 2 other classmates were with me so please tell me why I was crying?

We got the train from Paris to Besançon; all I remember was that it was such a long journey and I was freezing. We got to Crous-Universitaire and checked into our rooms. I had a room to myself thankfully and I remember I cried myself to sleep that night. How dramatic!

Life in Besançon January – February 2005

My room number was B203 and my building was Stendhal. Nothing fancy. I realised it was the most basic out of all the accommodation options which annoyed me lol. The best thing? It took me only 2 days to realise I loved being independent. I loved my freedom in this beautiful, freezing town and I even managed to make some friends. Everyday, I would go to class on the university bus, spend the day in school and come back to my room in the evenings.

By week 2, I met Abi and Adwoa, they were American students of Nigerian and Ghanaian heritage. They were in Université de Franche Comté for their year abroad program. They introduced me to their friends and finally, I had friends lol. My other friends were Bamba, Diallo, Ahmadou and Ousmanne from Senegal. Loïc from Paris, Bayo was a Nigerian studying in the university. I’m sure there were others but these were my main friends. They all went to the same university. I also had some friends from school but my school was proper boujee so the friendships were mostly surface lol. School was full of rich kids from South Africa (so many were from SA), Holland, America and Colombia.

I knew I was not done with France just yet. I was definitely going back.

The Big Plan – February 2005

I only started feeling comfortable by the end of week 3 and I had just over 1 more week before the experience was over.

By week 4, I knew I was not done with France just yet. I was definitely going back. So I checked to see what programs CLA offered for spring/summer and picked the longest one, which was a 5 months program. I asked for a conditional letter which they gave me and I called my mummy to tell her my plan. All my new friends were staying throughout summer, which made it even more exciting.

Life in Besançon April – September 2005

This time I was armed with so much more information. I was excited about going back and I obviously had better accommodation this time. Duhhh!!!! My French vocabulary made me feel confident and I was just more self-aware.  Once I got to Charles de Gaulle, I took a straight train from the airport to Besançon. I was not prepared to suffer like the last time and even paid for a business class ticket. I remember I got to Besançon train station and took the university bus to my room. The first thing I did was drop my bags and go straight to knock on the doors of my friends!

Everyone was so excited to see me back haha. I think my African friends all felt like I had brought some piece of home back with me. For the next 5 and half months, I had my routine. Go to school, hang out with friends, work on weekends and party as well. I used to make my friends’ hair for free which was a big deal to them. Finding someone who could plait African hair in Besançon was almost impossible.

On Saturday mornings, I worked in a hair salon. It was a cute Afro-Caribbean hair salon and it cost €85 to braid your hair. For any braids I did, I would get €40 to €50. I basically got half of what the salon charged. Because I really didn’t need the money, I only worked till noon. The owner was lovely and sometimes she would give me Jollof rice to take back home. It was not Nigerian Jollof but half bread is better than none LOL

Boys?

I had a boyfriend even before I went to Besançon. We had started seeing each other in my 1st year of university and he was my 1st proper relationship. Being the eternal romantic, I was certain I was in love with him. In his version of our relationship story, he was good to me but in my version, he was terrible lol. This meant that my entire time in France, everyone knew I was not looking to mingle.

I remember there was a cute French boy, Guillaume, I think he was from Lyon or Lille. I knew he liked me because he always offered to drop me off and one time he bought flowers for me. He had very kind eyes and was a nice guy. Then there was a Senegalese guy who was in our friendship group. Our friends would tease him about liking me but again, I had a boyfriend. Oh there was a German guy in my class who actually asked me out on a date. We had bonded over a conversation about my daddy going to school in Germany. I didn’t go on that date because, yup! You guessed right. I had a boyfriend.

My 1st trip to Paris

It was the first time I realised there was more to life. I just knew I wanted more.

By August, I felt like I needed to explore France a bit more and decided to take the train to Paris. I figured that if I got lost in Paris, I could just get a taxi to the station and take the train back to Besançon. As a planner, I wrote down everywhere I wanted to go and everything I wanted to see. I got to Paris that morning and headed to Louvre. Spent most of my day in the museum.

Then, I went to see the Eiffel Tower, L’Arc de Triomphe and walked down Champs Elysées. I felt so grown and confident. One memory I will never forget is walking on Champs Elysées and smiling to myself. It was the first time I looked around me, took everything in and realised there was more to life. I just knew I wanted more.

I have always been a dreamer for as long as I can remember. The normal Nigerian (very successful) life is go to school, get a job, get married and have babies. If your parents are rich enough, then you have holidays abroad in between. There is no gap year abroad culture or pausing life to travel-the-world lifestyle. You basically go to school to get good grades so you can get a good job so you can have a good life.

So being in Paris and just walking on a street I had only seen on TV changed my entire perspective of life. I felt seen.

Paris 2.0

My next trip to Paris was my first time in Disneyland. I took the train to Disneyland and had the time of my life. Yes, I was alone. I saved up money from my job, paid the exorbitant train fare and arrived at the happiest place on earth.

Related – My Favourite Travel Memories

September 2005. Grown, Confident and Sexy lol

By September, I was back in Nigeria. In the first week after I came back, I finally had the courage to break up with my boyfriend. There was nothing he did that he hadn’t done before but this time, I had grown up. I remember when he came back to beg a few days later. (Don’t they always do that? LOL) He said he didn’t understand how I had grown so much wings hahahahaha! Honestly, me too, I didn’t understand the wings I had grown myself!

I had found myself. My life was so much more meaningful and I didn’t need anyone to validate it. I went back to University of Lagos for my final year and this time, with purpose. Explaining what Besançon meant to me is special and I will forever be grateful to my parents for everything.

A few months after I got back, I met Mr E and my happily ever after began!

Today, July 2020. London

It’s been 15 years since I went to Besançon. I don’t think I thought I was going there to find myself but I did find myself there. Besançon shaped my entire life; it opened up a world that I did not know existed. One major thing it gave me was the spirit of wanderlust. My daddy always travelled so I knew it was a possibility but going to Besançon affirmed the reality of travel. It was no longer just possible but it was real.

So many moments change your life and define what the rest of your life will look like. I am thankful for mine, for the path it led me to and the self-discovery it gave me. My dream is to travel so much more with Mr E. One day, I will take him back to Besançon and hopefully; he will see everything I saw.

Bisous, ‘Bugo x